News From An Acorn

Real Dads on Father's Day

(By Tara Mitchell, Guest Author)

 

It’s Father’s Day.

I’d like to thank all of the loving, hardworking, dedicated dads out there. They say, “Any male can become a father, but it takes a real man to become a dad.” And it’s true. Contrary to our society’s hyper-testosterone, steroidal, t-shirt tearing concept of what “manliness” is, I believe it is infinitely manlier to be the father who shows up with flowers to his daughter’s dance recitals. It’s much manlier to get your workout lugging the fishing poles and tackle box, sun block, animal crackers, buckets and juice boxes for a day out on the water with your children; as opposed to spending hours every day in the gym.

It takes more courage and daring to be the man who stands at the register with a box of tampons for his daughter for the first time, than it does to be a secret agent ala James Bond. It takes strength of the legs to run behind your son’s bicycle while holding onto his seat, and shouting “You can do it, big guy! You’ve got it!” It takes strength of will to let go of the seat, knowing that you need to let them try, and even sometimes fail on their own.

It takes a real man to sit down with his children and listen to them talk about homework assignments, school lunches, bullies, coaches, and super heroes. It takes a real man to accept his children for who they are, to encourage them to be everything they can be, to love them every step of the way.

Special love and thanks to my husband Julian! With all of this said, I would also like to send my very heartfelt admiration to the single mothers and fathers out there who bravely step up to the plate and take on the responsibilities of both mother and father. I love you, Mama. Also, my thanks to those grandfathers (I love you too, Gumpa), uncles, cousins, counselors, advocates (you know who you are “J”), and mentors out there who do their part in helping children along the way. It may not outwardly appear to be as macho as motorcycles, football, explosions, or spy gadgets, but in truth a father is the pinnacle of masculinity. So rock on, all you dads, daddies, papas, papis, paws, puppaws and so forth. Rock on!

Tara Mitchell, Guest Author

How to Fail a Child

Give them everything.

Give them only what you know.

Give them only what you have.

Give them excuses that you’re late, too busy, too this or that and maybe-later.

Give them your fears and hurts and traumas and ask them what is wrong with them.

Give them freedom without boundaries.

Give them boundaries without freedom.

Give them lessons how to medicate their world.

Give them reasons why you should not touch them.

Give them nothing to hold on to.

Give them nothing to release from.

Give them life without the sacrament of wonder.

Give them only the God you know.

Give them power without principle.

Give them everything but hope.

Give them everything but you.

Ten Suggestions

Well, for what it's worth, here are ten suggestions for parents to consider:

1. Be your child's parent, not their best friend. They can, and actually prefer, to find their own best friends.
2. Think of the word "no" as a love word. Dress it up all you want, with listening, which is a good thing, compassion and consideration, etc. But if your parental gut says it's not a good idea, say so with a no, explain why and don't let them wear you down down with a thousand "whys."
3. Parenting is not a perfect profession. You will make mistakes. You do the best you can. It's okay to seek help from other parents too.
4. Hint: Children, and especially teens, love limit setting. They thrive on it. I've heard a thousand teens oven the years say to pushy friends, "My parents won't let me go. Sorry." And down deep, they oftentimes know that mom and dad (or mom, or dad) are right. Second hint: They will not tell you that you were right until they're thirty.
5. Half of all the teens whose parents bring them to counseling are basically fine. It's the parents who need to see a therapist. But most therapists will take the teen anyway, if you have insurance. You do the math.
6. Sometimes children, sometimes teens, need to be given permission to fail at something. Don't finish the science project for them. Don't bail them out with an excuse note every time they whine. Watching a young person move away and upward from a failing venture is breathtaking.
7. If you live just for your children, you're short-changing their potential. Live for yourself, first. Be the best example they ever had.
8. Pour your hope for your children into cement. Keep your expectations of your children high, very high, but keep that bar soft and flexible. They need to at least be able to reach it now and then.
9. Encourage your children to find their own God, any God, and give them permission to paint their God whatever color they want.
10. Try not to lose sight of the fact that growing up is very hard work. We have ex-bosses, ex- wives, ex-husbands, but we never refer to ourselves as "ex-kids.
11. Okay, there's one more, a bonus if you will: Children are beautiful. They are a gift from God.

© Text Copyright. Kevin Lee, All rights reserved

Raising Parents!

I'm kicking off a new category with this piece called "Raising Parents!" My goal is to write about the challenges, joys, and occasionally the ridiculous situations that parents sometimes find themselves in while parenting and raising their children. I plan to draw upon my own experience as a father of three grown daughters, as a Friend involved in pastoral care to children and families and from my work professionally as a youth counselor for the past 24 years in my community.  Hopefully, we can share some honest truth, float some ideas and have a little fun along the way.

Your comments (below) are always appreciated.